Why Teenagers Argue With Parents
Let’s begin by answering the question, why teenagers argue with their parents. Firstly, teenagers are going through physical changes as well as emotional and psychological. They are bombarded by stresses, not just in the home, but at school and socially. Teens are trying to determine where they fit in the world while at the same time establishing their independence. They are trying to resist peer pressure and the internal pressures they put on themselves to be perfect.
As parents, you expect many things from your teenagers. You want them to do well in school so that they can get a good job. You also want them to complete their chores and other household assignments. This will help them begin to learn how to take care of themselves as they become adults. All of these contributes towards the burdens teens have, which doesn’t include the daily conflicts they experience out of the house. This leads to anxiety, which turns into arguments with you as their parents who are placing restrictions on them. However, despite what your teenager says to you so, they still need your support.
What Can Help Resolve Disagreements?
Supporting one another is important for both teenagers and parents in order to overcome these challenges. As a teen growing up, I remember the constant internal battles. I wanted to grow up quickly, so that I could make my own decisions and do what I wanted to do. On the other hand, I feared the unknown and a part of me wanted to hold onto the feeling of being sheltered by my parents. I wanted to stay in my protective cocoon of love and acceptance by them. My parents, despite the family feuds, made sure to build up the family so that I could feel confident with myself and my decisions. Teens today want the same thing. To feel secure with their identity and be comfortable making difficult decisions on their own, but knowing they have their parent’s assistance when needed.
This may sound counteractive, but teenagers want rules. I know
what you’re thinking: Rules? That’s what causes most of the arguments! But hear me out first. Teenagers lives are changing every day and are unpredictable. When parents set boundaries and high moral standards that they must follow, they have a sense of reliability and certainty in their home. Keep in mind though that’s it’s all in the delivery. How you communicate with your teens determine how well your guidelines will be accepted.
When I think back again to my experience as a teenager, (I’m
trying not to shudder at the memories,) I appreciated the lessons my parents imparted to me. I may not have admitted it at the time, but I learned a lot from my mother’s life experiences that have certainly benefitted me today. My only regret is not letting her know at the time how grateful I was for her “overprotectiveness.” I’m sure parents today would agree with me that in the distressing world we live in, we need to prepare our children as much as possible. Even if they resist at first, we persevere because we want the best for them.
Take A Step In Each Others Shoes
In a previous article on Why Children Argue With Parents – Effective Ways To Stop, I discuss how disagreements between children and parents can lessen if children try to put themselves in their parents shoes. The same tip applies for teenagers. As arguments begin to develop, they should be
determined to remain calm and ask themselves key questions: Is the situation worth me becoming so upset? Why are my parents saying no? Can I sit down with them and speak with them rationally about the situation? By looking at the circumstances from their parent’s point of view, they are not only showing appreciation for their parent’s challenges, but also showing their maturity. This will certainly help them as they continue to grow into adulthood.
Need More Help – Check Out These Resources!
According to the article Conflict management with teenagers from Raising Children Network, there are many other reasons why teenagers argue with their parents. The article also includes other ways they can both work
together to resolve conflicts.
I also learned a lot for the following reenactment from Teen Driving Plan’s practice guide on parent-teen communication. Here, parents will learn tips on how to communicate well with their teens, establishing trust
and earning respect for each other.
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It’s Not Easy But It’s Definitely Worth It!
To recap, if you are a teen that constantly argues with your parents or vice versa, stop and think what normally starts or triggers an argument. No matter what the trigger is, it leaves a bad or sour taste on both ends. Is it normal for youths to have differences? It sure is! However, the best form of confrontation is to communicate peacefully, even if you and your parents are not seeing “eye to eye.” And even though sometimes it’s difficult to change your parent’s perspective on matters, the only person that you can change is yourself.
You can change your approach on matters that you discuss with your parents. You can ease any tension by the tone of your voice and your body language. Once this is done, your parents are likely to remain calm and listen to you when you have something to say. And most importantly, think before you speak. Sometimes as humans we tend to say what comes to our mind, especially during an altercation. But always speak respectfully, do not allow sarcasm or a negative attitude to creep up in your voice and avoid scoffing and rolling your eyes. Another point is always being ready to listen and be willing to apologize. If you find that it’s hard to verbalize your words to your parents, express your feelings in writing. Remember every family have conflicts, but resolving matters peacefully is the key! Do you agree with these tips? Please comment below to share any tips you may have!
Remember, quitting isn’t always a bad thing!