How Teenagers And Parents Can Stop Arguing

Teenagers argue with their parents. Is anyone surprised by this statement? Arguments are a common part of raising children. However, does it seem to you that the older your child becomes, the more they argue with you and the intensity of the disagreements increases? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! Today we will discuss the questions that teenagers and parents alike ask themselves:  Why do teenagers argue with their parents? What can help parents and teenagers resolve disagreements? What are the best ways to resolve conflicts with your teenage children? Let’s find out the answers!

stressed out teenager

Why Teenagers Argue With Parents

Let’s begin by answering the question, why teenagers argue with their parents. Firstly, teenagers are going through physical changes as well as emotional and psychological. They are bombarded by stresses, not just in the home, but at school and socially. Teens are trying to determine where they fit in the world while at the same time establishing their independence. They are trying to resist peer pressure and the internal pressures they put on themselves to be perfect.

As parents, you expect many things from your teenagers. You want them to do well in school so that they can get a good job. You also want them to complete their chores and other household assignments. This will help them begin to learn how to take care of themselves as they become adults. All of these contributes towards the burdens teens have, which doesn’t include the daily conflicts they experience out of the house. This leads to anxiety, which turns into arguments with you as their parents who are placing restrictions on them. However, despite what your teenager says to you so, they still need your support.

Anxiety teenagers face

What Can Help Resolve Disagreements?

Supporting one another is important for both teenagers and parents in order to overcome these challenges. As a teen growing up, I remember the constant internal battles. I wanted to grow up quickly, so that I could make my own decisions and do what I wanted to do. On the other hand, I feared the unknown and a part of me wanted to hold onto the feeling of being sheltered by my parents. I wanted to stay in my protective cocoon of love and acceptance by them. My parents, despite the family feuds, made sure to build up the family so that I could feel confident with myself and my decisions. Teens today want the same thing. To feel secure with their identity and be comfortable making difficult decisions on their own, but knowing they have their parent’s assistance when needed.

This may sound counteractive, but teenagers want rules. I know
what you’re thinking: Rules? That’s what causes most of the arguments! But hear me out first. Teenagers lives are changing every day and are unpredictable. When parents set boundaries and high moral standards that they must follow, they have a sense of reliability and certainty in their home. Keep in mind though that’s it’s all in the delivery. How you communicate with your teens determine how well your guidelines will be accepted.

When I think back again to my experience as a teenager, (I’m
trying not to shudder at the memories,) I appreciated the lessons my parents imparted to me. I may not have admitted it at the time, but I learned a lot from my mother’s life experiences that have certainly benefitted me today. My only regret is not letting her know at the time how grateful I was for her “overprotectiveness.” I’m sure parents today would agree with me that in the distressing world we live in, we need to prepare our children as much as possible. Even if they resist at first, we persevere because we want the best for them.

How to resolve conflicts between teens and parents
Miracle of Self-Discipline
Parents and Teens Need Self-Discipline!

Take A Step In Each Others Shoes

In a previous article on Why Children Argue With Parents – Effective Ways To Stop, I discuss how disagreements between children and parents can lessen if children try to put themselves in their parents shoes. The same tip applies for teenagers. As arguments begin to develop, they should be
determined to remain calm and ask themselves key questions: Is the situation worth me becoming so upset? Why are my parents saying no? Can I sit down with them and speak with them rationally about the situation? By looking at the circumstances from their parent’s point of view, they are not only showing appreciation for their parent’s challenges, but also showing their maturity. This will certainly help them as they continue to grow into adulthood.

Need More Help – Check Out These Resources!

According to the article Conflict management with teenagers from Raising Children Network, there are many other reasons why teenagers argue with their parents. The article also includes other ways they can both work
together to resolve conflicts.

I also learned a lot for the following reenactment from Teen Driving Plan’s practice guide on parent-teen communication. Here, parents will learn tips on how to communicate well with their teens, establishing trust
and earning respect for each other.

It’s Not Easy But It’s Definitely Worth It!

To recap, if you are a teen that constantly argues with your parents or vice versa, stop and think what normally starts or triggers an argument. No matter what the trigger is, it leaves a bad or sour taste on both ends. Is it normal for youths to have differences? It sure is! However, the best form of confrontation is to communicate peacefully, even if you and your parents are not seeing “eye to eye.” And even though sometimes it’s difficult to change your parent’s perspective on matters, the only person that you can change is yourself.

You can change your approach on matters that you discuss with your parents. You can ease any tension by the tone of your voice and your body language. Once this is done, your parents are likely to remain calm and listen to you when you have something to say. And most importantly, think before you speak. Sometimes as humans we tend to say what comes to our mind, especially during an altercation. But always speak respectfully, do not allow sarcasm or a negative attitude to creep up in your voice and avoid scoffing and rolling your eyes. Another point is always being ready to listen and be willing to apologize. If you find that it’s hard to verbalize your words to your parents, express your feelings in writing. Remember every family have conflicts, but resolving matters peacefully is the key! Do you agree with these tips? Please comment below to share any tips you may have!

happy teenager and parent

Remember, quitting isn’t always a bad thing!

 

 

 

 

12 thoughts on “How Teenagers And Parents Can Stop Arguing”

  1. Hi Max
    Great post! I really liked your advice here on peaceful communication, and avoiding triggers like shouting, or the infamous eye-rolling.

    Not always easy to maintain peace with a teenager, but agreeing to certain rules of argument in a non-argumentative fashion helps.

    Active listening, where you repeat what the other person has said, but in your own words, I find quickly lowers tension as well. This is because the other person feels respected and understood.

    1. Thank you for reading! I am happy to hear that you enjoyed it. As you mentioned, it’s not a straightforward process to defuse arguments in the household between teens and parents but it’s worth it at the end of the day when each person feels respected and understood. I appreciate you adding your own tips!

  2. The teenage years has to be the most complicated time in one’s life. The transition from being told what to do and now having to make decisions on your own it’s conflicting and itself. it is the emotional baggage that I think it’s in the way, and this comes from both sides of the table.

    And as you say try to look at it and their shoes and that’s parents think back when you were a teenager. And another point that you stressed and I totally agree with is to remember it matters what you say and more importantly it matters how you say it.

    1. Yes Maurice, I think parents will be more related once they think back to what they were experiencing as well as their motivations when they were teenagers. Teenagers are of the universal opinion that their parents don’t understand them. This is the biggest disconnect that families experience. Another reader gave the tip of sharing some of his firsthand experiences as a teenager, including the mistakes he made, with his teenage children. This is an excellent suggestion as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  3. Hi Max,

    Thanks for this article!

    I’ve got a little guy who is coming up through the “tweens,” but some of these things have already started. I appreciate the reminders as well as some places to go for resources.

    One thing that I do is open up a little (in age-appropriate ways) about my own struggles growing up. I don’t want my child to think his dad is a wreck, but I do want him to know that he has an ally in me even when he screws up.

    Anyway, I do appreciate the references to communication resources, because I know first hand how easily those “discussions” spiral out of control. On both sides, sometimes.

    1. Hi Phil,

      You are more than welcome!

      I am happy to hear you benefitted from the tips in this post. I have posted another article on arguments between children (including tweens) and their parents found here if you are interested. I would love to hear your thoughts on that post as well! It’s never too early to communicate with your child and using your own real life experiences make you more relatable.

  4. Raising children and teens today is much more difficult then when I was growing up. My mother died when I was sixteen and we did have a close bond but I really missed the guidance that I could have gotten from her.
    Teens today have to deal with so much more especially with all the technology they are exposed to. Nowadays it is more common that both parents work so sometimes teens may be coming home to an empty house after school. Gone are the days where the mother stayed home and just looked after the house. This puts more responsibility on our teens. So learning how to communicate properly is very important for both teens and parents. Proper communication is paramount to a strong family bond which in our society today is needed more than ever.

    1. Hi Maureen, I completely agree. I thought I had it hard growing up but looking at everything teens go through today makes my teenage years look like a walk through the park. When both parents are working and then come home tired and stressed and their teen is acting out, they may handle the situation unwisely. This is so easy to happen and very common. Teenagers today also have so much more to contend with these days, their stresses are certainly different from what we would have faced. I also blame technology. Instead of drawing people together, it seems to divide us even more, making it difficult to communicate with each other.

  5. I like your post. I have four children from the ages of 21 to 12 and they all liove at home still. My wifa and I have are fair share of arguments with our kids. Your post definitly gave some insight to the situation of arguing with my teens. I really like the idea behind the book you mentioned, “Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens”. I think I might check that out.

    1. Hi Sean, I’m so happy that my post has given you options to help communicate with your children. Please feel free to share your thoughts on the book “Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens.” I would love to hear back from you!

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